This is one of the hardest posts I’ve shared. It is scary to put this out there, but I feel as though God is calling me to share our story.
We are so excited (and a little nervous) to announce the journey we are to embark on! Foster care! In order for us to explain how we got here, we wanted to explain the path that has lead us to this very point. Please bare with me as I did my best to keep this as to the point as possible. With that being said, we ask that if you have questions please come directly to us and we will be happy to discuss this.
Matt and I have been married for 4 years and as you know we have two wonderful children, Boston and Tyler. My life goal has always been being a mother, I quit my job right as Matt and I got married hoping to grow our family right away. Due to having PCOS I knew it would be a struggle but a specialist assured me they could get me pregnant. After 5 rounds of insemination and hormone therapy I wasn’t pregnant. So we decided to start looking at alternatives after round 3. We came across snowflake adoption. Snowflake adoption (aka embryo adoption) instantly settled with Matt, it took me longer. I wasn’t ready to give up. Upon looking into this we found out that there were over 600,000 embryos frozen in the US and that there were hundreds of thousands up for adoption. At this point we decided to forgo doing IVF ourselves, fearing we might end up with more embryos than we could give life to, and decided to adopt.
We went through home-studies, education, family profiles and finally we went to the matching phase. Once we got there, we were told that there were some complications (more than I need to bore you with), and that there were no embryos for us to adopt currently. So we waited. 8 months later I began to question God and if this path was the right one. After a lot of pep talks from my sweet husband, we decided to stay the course. We later found out we could maneuver around some hurdles and we finally got a match. Unfortunately it didn’t feel right, I was crushed, I wanted to say yes to this family so bad, but had a strong feeling God wanted something different. So we said no. Less than a week later, we got a match and I can’t tell you how amazing it felt, Matt and I both cried tears of joy! We finally had our 6 snowflakes and they were waiting for us! We moved forward. A few weeks later we got news that my fertility clinic would not transfer the embryos due to some FDA requirements. So I began looking at other options in Colorado. No one would take them in Colorado. So we thought this might be the end. Then God opened a door and we found an amazing clinic in Tennessee. Matt happens to work for a company in Nashville and travels there every 6 weeks or so. In the end his company paid to get Matt there a paid for our hotel, praise God! We were so blessed by this clinic. We were able to work with a wonderful Christian doctor who had devoted his practice to giving these babies the chance at life they deserve!
We are so saddened that I was not able to have a successful pregnancy and we have miscarried all 6 of our babies. I cannot tell you the pain that comes from losing these little ones. I am not sure I will ever be whole until I meet them and hold them when I get to heaven. I will always have questions as to why God lead us down this path and why I wasn’t able to fulfil this passion to be a mother to living babies that I know God has laid on my heart since I was a little girl. But we know that God’s timing and plan is perfect. I am grateful for the time I was able to carry them in my body and grateful that these sweet, precious snowflakes that made me a mom, just as I had always hoped. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” We have cried over this verse so many times as it really seems to bring comfort!
Immediately following our last miscarriage I told Matt I was done fighting. That my heart hurt and I couldn’t bear to do anymore with this situation. Boy, was I wrong! God started working on my heart in a way I can’t explain. I felt a real calling to look into foster care. Matt on the other hand was less than thrilled with this idea. He said he would go with me to the initial meeting, which was happening the following week. On our way home he said we could start the process, but there were no promises if we would do it. Honestly, I think we both thought it would fizzle out. Well, here we are 10 weeks later, we have completed our training and are scheduled for our first homestudy and currently remodeling a room for the little ones God is planning to bring into our home. About week 6 of our training Matt and I were headed home and we both cried because it truly feels like God has us exactly where he wants us.
We want to honor our babies who are no longer with us. In doing so we are trying to be more open about what we have been through. This has been a long, hard and emotional road. There is no one I would rather do this with then the 3 precious gifts God gave me 4 years ago. We know this is going to be a struggle and feel impossible at times, but we are following God’s voice. We ask for your prayers as we prepare for this journey. Specifically we ask that you pray for us to be a blessing to these kids, and we ask that you pray that our hearts are prepared.
In Matt’s words we are doing foster care “In service of He who has called us, and in memory of the ones we lost”. Our hope is to honor our 6 babies by doing foster care.
Fostering in love for their today, trusting in God for their tomorrow.