Preparing to Say Goodbye

Preparing to say goodbye…

How do you prepare to say goodbye?  I didn’t know how to prepare to say goodbye last January when my grandmother passed and I don’t know how to prepare to say goodbye to my first foster child.  

My heart is hurting but I am also feeling grateful that she can return home.  I never thought I would feel such conflicting feelings about this little one returning home.  Thinking about saying goodbye has brought me back to the feelings of loss from the babies we lost over the last year and a half.  Although I never got to hold them, I carried them with me, even if it was a short time.  I still don’t feel whole, and don’t think I will until I meet them in heaven.  Now I think another little part of me will be broken and gone once again.  As I’ve thought and missed my precious babies we lost, I think it must feel overwhelmingly sad to loose your child under any circumstance, and maybe God is using my pain to feel compassion to others who are there as well.

I will always love this little one! I feel like I’ve healed by having my arms filled for those middle of the night feedings, those morning smiles and the joy that’s been brought to our lives.  God has spoken a lot of peace to me through the song “Thy Will” by Hillary Scott and the Scott Family.

I’m so confused

I know I heard you loud and clear

So, I followed through

Somehow I ended up here

I don’t wanna think

I may never understand

That my broken heart is a part of your plan

When I try to pray

All I got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

I know you’re good

But this don’t feel good right now

And I know you think

Of things I could never think about

It’s hard to count it all joy

Distracted by the noise

Just trying to make sense

Of all your promises

Sometimes I gotta stop

Remember that you’re God

And I am not

So

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Thy will

I know you see me

I know you hear me, Lord

Your plans are for me

Goodness you have in store

I know you hear me

I know you see me, Lord

Your plans are for me

Goodness you have in store

So

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Like a child on my knees

All that comes to me is

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

I know you see me

I know you hear me, Lord
Our little one will be returning here soon, and my arms will suddenly feel very empty, my nights will feel quiet, and my car will feel a little more empty.  I don’t know how to prepare for this goodbye… But I think I understand now that my broken heart is apart of HIS plan.  

 

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