I don’t know how many times I’ve said it… “being a stepmom is the hardest job I’ll ever have”. Well, I might have been wrong. Being a foster Mom might be harder.
As a stepmom at least I know I will have these kids for the rest of my life. As a foster Mom it is temporary. My stepkids have been loved, cared for and healthy for their whole lives. I do believe that a divorce is a trauma for children, but they are loved and cared for non-the-less.
Being a stepmom is so hard, I have all the responsibilities of a Mom without being their Mom. I know they love me, I am blessed that we have this kind of relationship, but I know I am 3rd in line. That’s how it should be honestly. It doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t hurt at times.
If you have read my blog before I have shared our infertility struggle. Foster care seemed like a logical next step for us, and God has really called us to do this. Have you ever noticed that when God calls us to do something it usually isn’t easy? This is no exception!
My heart hurts for these kids daily, I cry it seems like all the time. To be honest my heart hurts for me as well. The emotions I feel are often conflicting and confusing. You want what is best for this kids and families, and ultimately I want what God’s will is for them. It doesn’t mean that I have not attached to them. I’ve waiting a long time to be called Mommy, to have those little hands raise to me when they need comfort or to have those special times at night when only I can get them to sleep. I know God is in control, but I am here day in and day out and I fear the loss of them.
I have also found the system to be sad, which adds a whole other layer of fear and concern. I won’t dwell on this…for now.
“If only for a time” is something I repeat in my head often. If only for a time, I’ll show them love. If only for a time, I’ll show them a family. If only for a time, I’ll show them God. If only for a time…